I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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