There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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