Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
