Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
