I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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