Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
