I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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