I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
