Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
