Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All I want is dick and wine.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
