Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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