I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
