so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
