In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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