I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
