I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
