Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I won the penis lottery.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
