I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
