sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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