i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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