i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
