the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
