My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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