I love black thongs
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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