I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The Olympian is in my bed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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