I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well you can't waste a boner
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
