I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
