Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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