My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
