I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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