she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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