i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
