I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
