i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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