Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize