He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
