he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
