Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
