I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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