:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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