So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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