i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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