'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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