Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
