yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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