I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
