its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
