Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Randomize
