Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
