I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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