I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
