i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
