I feel great
I just peed on a car
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
