So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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