My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
