my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need a beard to bite.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
