literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
