he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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