I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
