Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
