You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
