Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
