I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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