They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
