i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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