I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
