I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
