did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
