Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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